120830

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WOD 120830:

Rest Day.

The Anticipation of the Rant

Ever since last week’s rest day post, I’ve been obsessed with trying to find something that makes me furious enough to rant about. Problem is, the world has evidently run out of stupid this week (and by “the world” I mean things that happen in my direct line of site on a daily basis). Not one fucking person has tied a girl to a car, tied a baby to their chest with a crushing amount of weight directly over the aforementioned baby’s “domepiece”, or given my gym a poor rating on Yelp despite the fact they’ve NEVER EVEN BEEN IN MY GYM.

Side rant… Yelp can literally burn to the ground with the heat of a nuclear warhead being detonated directly into their collective scrotums. Let me get this straight… You weasely MFers only allow comments from DORKS who rate enough bullshit for you to approve of, then when my legitimate clients attempt to rate something you put it in a “filtered” category which is harder to find than a Twinkie in Robb Wolf’s house? THEN you call me every week offering to SELL ME something that will boost my ratings?

You here that, Yelp? That’s the sound of the Enola Gay about five miles out. Oh, that red dot on your taint? It’s probably just a stain.

(Yes, I realize I mixed a 70-year-old B-29 Bomber with the modern weapons technology of a laser site in the above scenario. Fuck off, it’s my visual.)

I mean would it kill someone to just do something we could make fun of? Don’t we need another opportunity to hike our noses to the sky and continue to reinforce the eleetness of pretty much every thing we do every single damn day?

Would it kill someone to try a 185# Snatch, miss it behind, and have it come horrifically crashing down on them? Then we could watch their 5-year-old son run directly past, clearly so entertained by a foam roller that they can’t be bothered to stop and see if mommy is dead or alive? No way anything cool like that would ever happen.

32 thoughts on “120830”

  1. You obviously didn’t catch the Kim Kardashian/CF/TMZ video posted yesterday/today. Ask Drywall about it…possibly rant able material.

  4. Oh man. As a parent this video gave me serious lulz. my 1 year old can’t keep herself off the platform but there is no way I could top this video

  6. This is absolute Gold! Due to timezone differences your blog hits my desk just before lunch and it makes my day. I’m still waiting with baited breath for the final part of your dissertation on longer metcons’s. BTW nice visual of the Enola Gay laser sighting Yelp.

  8. We want gear!! I’ve been working out naked for months now lol

    I love the rant about not having anything to rant… And Kim kardashians “boot camp” is definitely rant-able

  10. Don’t know why but the dude hobbling across the gym at the very start of the video with the cast on his foot and 45# plates in his hands makes the laugh almost as much as the kid w/ foam roller/PVC pipe.

  14. I would be happy to rant about the stupid hurricane that has screwed my FW flight progression in the C-12 without actually being near Fort Rucker. But it’s cool, not as cool as a deaf kid making the gun sign or yelp extorting small businesses, actually that is not cool at all… At least I now know that it is true that if you don’t poke holes in a spaghetti squash, it will explode. True story, big mess.

  17. dude. love your work but dunno how morphing into a drywall/epic/armen replacement is going to cosy up to brown nosing the dudes at HQ and toeing the party line. or is it the old, make fun of the players, not the game, and it’s ok. i guess so.

    • Just mix in some videos on the games site and an interview with Crossfit radio and things are all cozy again. It’s like the crazy girl that used to show up at your apartment and the sex was incredible. But then she never leaves when you want her to. And her dad starts calling and driving around your place looking for her. Eventually you stop letting her in and a few years later you see her begging for change in Harvard square and decide to have her over one more time. After all she wasn’t that crazy right? And she doesn’t live at her parents house anymore.

  24. http://70sbig.com/blog/2012/08/peculiarities-of-female-training/

    I had a question for whomever would like to answer it. After reading this article, it made me think of possible reasons the Outlaw ladies outperformed the Outlaw men in standings, aside from the competitors. Basically, it talks about women responding more favorably, in both hypertrophy and strength, to higher volume strength and conditioning programs with percentages closer to their one rep maxes than men due to variations in neuromuscular efficiency, women’s being lower then men’s. I was wondering, is there anything to this?

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