Ok, these fucking kids have gotten completely out of control. I mean it was cute when Noah Ohlsen, despite the fact he was wearing a women’s bathing suit, did this. Then, despite the fact there’s no possible way he’s old enough to produce testosterone, Ryan Sunshine made Noah look so one day ago by doing this. Now it appears that Outlaw, just like the Wu-Tang Clan, “is for the children.” (Side note: None of you dumb kids will know where that quote is from because you are too young and too stupid. Google that shit, son—learn your history.)
Today I was sent videos of two wonderful young men (read: one uppers), who took it upon themselves to grab Noah’s already damaged little ego and smash it against a wall like Chris Coker after a little too much “rubbin'” in turn three. The first video features 17-year-old Brandon Dagnesses from IMT CrossFit in Miami. Brandon will be playing college football at Rhode Island this fall, where they will certainly tell him this beautiful lift is far too fucking dangerous FOR A FOOTBALL PLAYER and immediately make him start doing power cleans, with straps, therefore balistically loading the carpals with 300-400# of inescapable mass.
Anyhoo, this is a PR lift of 205#:
Our next set of videos features 18-year-old Darian Barnett, who is the son of CrossFit Thoroughbreds owner Jeremy Barnett. Darian has an extensive strength training background, and actually broke over 20 national and world Powerlifting records in the two years after he turned 15. I’m sure you can figure out where this is going…
This is not just a fast/flexible kid we’re talking about—this is a legit BAMF. Today Darian PR’d on his Clean and Jerk, at THREE HUNDRED AND FIVE POUNDS. In case you were wondering, Darian is 175#. Prepare to be speechless:
If that wasn’t enough to leave your jaw on the floor, Darian also PR’d his Snatch this week at 240:
Here’s part of the email I received from Darian’s dad-
Darian is now focused on competing in the CrossFit Games and has been using The Outlaw Way program for the past 6 weeks and loving it. The 30 lb. Clean N Jerk PR has come from your programming and has helped him improve on his snatch as well. He wants to hit a 325-340 lb. Clean N Jerk in the next 4-6 weeks and hopefully add another 10-20 lbs. to his snatch in the same time frame.
There it is, children. Unless you can beat that don’t send any more videos—200# looks like kids weight now (literally). Darian ruined it for everyone: have fun trying to catch him.
Someone sent me this today… Evidently it is a screen shot of some texts between friends which was PUBLICLY posted on Facebook. At this moment, just like last week when I posted the Josh Courage video, I am at a complete loss for words.